Can't Let It Go
by CPDSVU
Summary: A one shot of what a conversation might have been between Jay and Hailey after the events surrounding 7x06.


She didn't have to look before opening the door. She knew the only person who would be at her at 1AM was him. So when she opened said door, she fully expected him to have beer and a small smile on his face. He was exactly how she pictured, and she welcomed him in like she did any other night - though it had been a while since they'd done this. And if she was being honest, she missed it.

But when she saw his face fall in tandem with the heavy sigh he exhaled whilst sitting down on her couch, she felt guilt over her momentary excitement.

She slowly walked over to where he was, and sat down next to him like she always did. He still hadn't said anything, and besides the millisecond acknowledgement at her front door, hadn't looked at her either.

She tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping not to startle him. He didn't even flinch, so she tried his name, cautiously rolling it off her tongue. "Jay?"

She was finally met with green eyes, albeit paler than she'd ever seen them. He'd been crying, that much she knew, but she didn't know exactly why, and that's what she assumed he came to talk with her about.

"Jay," she said again. "Please, say something." She knew her voice was breaking, but she didn't care, because in that moment, all she cared about was the man next to her.

"He told me to let things be," his voice was barely above a whisper.

Hailey tilted her head. "What?"

"Voight," he added. "He told me that for once in my life I should let things be."

Hailey absentmindedly removed her hand from his shoulder to run it through her hair. It was her turn to sigh, and she tilted her head once again to look at Jay, whose gaze was cast downward now.

"Remember when I told you Kelton is who he is?" She asked him.

She caught his eyes again as he answered. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well, the same can be said for Voight. It's very much what you see is what you get with him. And he's stuck in his ways, that's for sure; so he can sometimes come across a little harsh. A little too much when he tries to make those beliefs your own, you know what I mean?"

Jay nodded, finally cracking open one of the beers he brought over. He offered her one, and she took it, bringing the lip of the bottle to her mouth. They both drank for a moment in silence, before Hailey spoke again.

"But I also know you, and I know letting things go isn't your style. I've known it from the moment I met you. I remember how hard Lauren's case affected you. With this, I'm sure it brought back a lot of hard memories for you...I just, I know you don't have to tell me, but if you want to or need to, you know I'll listen."

Her hand touched his knee, and he placed it over hers. "I do, I know that. It's just...it's a lot, Hailey. And it's something that I haven't thought about in...two years now maybe."

She sadly grimaced. "Whatever it is, Jay, I'm here." She squeezed his hand for emphasis, and he returned the gesture, mimicking her facial expression as well.

He took another long drink of his beer before he began his tale. "There was a kid, named Ben Corson. He was the little brother of my high school girlfriend, Abby. He uh, he went missing 12 years ago, and they found his body out in a field. He had been assaulted, bludgeoned. My first year in Intelligence, I watched the guy who did it roam free. When he wound up dead, I was the prime suspect in his murder, but I didn't do it."

He paused, taking a breath, as he saw Hailey's expression soften, her eyes becoming a little bit cloudy with tears.

"I cleared my name, and his father - the real killer - paid for the murder of his son. But seeing those kids in that stash house...they were only 9...and um, Ben, he was 8. They were all too young, too innocent." He saw his vision blur at the edges, only to be cleared by a couple tears that fell on his cheeks. He swiped his hand across his face, trying to play it off. But he should know better.

* * *

As if on cue, Hailey reminded him. "Hey, it's okay. You've gotta feel however you need to feel, Jay. I mean, I know I'm not one to bare my soul 24/7 either, so I'm not exactly one to talk...but if I've learned anything is that, whenever we talk through it, no matter what kinds of emotions we feel, we always feel better."

"Or drink. The alcohol helps too. Course I much prefer beer to straight whiskey," Jay replied, raising his bottle to hers.

"_Jay_," she raised her brows at him, looking at him sternly.

"I'm kidding, Hailey." He said, still holding the bottle out for hers to tap.

She rolled her eyes, but cheers-ed with his anyway. "Uh huh."

They sat for another moment, before Jay broke the silence. "Wasn't it you that told me you don't really let the bad stuff go either?"

Hailey turned to him, and forced herself not to break eye contact, even though it felt like he was seeing into her soul with his gaze. "Yeah." She paused, finishing off her beer before awkwardly clamoring around for a new one to open. When she was done fiddling, she tacked on, "What about it?"

Jay's lip ticked upward into a lazy half-smile, much like he did that night at the bar with her. _Focus, Hailey_, her brain reminded. She tried to look elsewhere except for his lips.

"You were right." He said, grinning at her. _Yeah, so much for that idea_, she thought as her eyes were drawn to his smile. "I guess it just didn't really sink in until now. Because I know Voight means well, but like you said, he can get to be a little intense sometimes. And you and I...we get each other. We're always on the same page. And I needed that. Someone that really understands."

Her mind echoed with a mixture of his words and the words she had told Adam when they broke up, which now _she_ finally understood. She thought she meant them about he and Kim, but she really meant it about she and Jay. Because sitting here, right then in that moment, all she could think was, _But it's more than that, isn't it? _

At least it was for her, she was beginning to realize as those feelings knotting up her insides weren't going away anytime soon. There were so many more things she should tell him, that he should know. But she didn't want to weigh him down again. She didn't want to be that person, at least not tonight. Because that's not what he needed. And if she was being honest, her heart couldn't handle it right now either.

"I'm always gonna be here for you, Jay. No matter what. Even if we're not paired together all the time anymore, I'm still your partner. You mean so much to me, and Voight was right: you are a good cop with a good heart. That's one of the many things that make you a good _man_, too. Sure, you and I might carry the weight of the world sometimes, but that's what makes us human. That's also what makes us great partners."

He nodded, taking a second to soak in her words. They shared another one of their looks, one that conveyed his thanks and appreciation for their bond, whatever it was considered to be now.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Hailey. You're right, as usual. I hope you know how much this helped me tonight. We are good partners, we always have been. And I hope we always will be. And you're a pretty cool person too, in case you had any doubts," he quipped, laughing.

She hit him with her pillow. "Glad to see your sense of humor's back, Halstead!" She joked, feigning judgement.

"I'm always happier with you, _Upton_," he said, a genuine smile taking over his face.

Hailey felt a blush creep up on her cheeks. She grabbed for the remote and switched on the TV, hoping he wasn't still looking at her like that.

When she turned to ask him what he wanted to watch, she saw him quickly look down, before looking back up at her. _Yeah, another thing they can't let go of. _Something else they had in common, if either would own up to it.


End file.
